Adventures in Dieting

Stomach: I'm starving. When did we last eat?Me: (looks at watch) It's only been two hours. Shaddup.Stomach: I knew that miniscule serving of leftover sesame chicken wouldn't keep us going long.Me: Miniscule? It was about a cup of sesame chicken with half a cup of brown rice. Ok, so I didn't measure, but I estimated. That's a normal portion size for someone who's dieting. About 6 points--Stomach: DON'T TALK TO ME ABOUT POINTS! I'M HUNGRY! *rumble*Me: Hey, no need to shout. You're lucky you got yummy restaurant Chinese food at all. I don't even know how much oil it was prepared with, so I may have underestimated the--Stomach: No! Don't say it!Me: Ok, I didn't.Stomach: But you were going to.Me: Going to do what?Stomach: Say "points."Me: Now *you* said it.Stomach: It's ok for me to say it. I'm not the one in control, remember? Or so you keep trying to remind me. I don't know who made you the boss of me.Me: *thinks* Let's not get into theology.Stomach: Whatever. Anyway, you shouldn't deprive me just because you're fat. Maybe you should exercise more.Me: Who are you calling fat?Stomach: Do you see anyone else in the room?Me: Can't you just zip it for a while? I'm trying to grade some papers here.Stomach: Zip what?Me: Your-- *sigh* Never mind. Just be quiet.Stomach: *rumbles very quietly*Me: I heard that.Stomach: Chokkkkkkolate. Mmmmmmmmacaroni and cheeeeeeeze. Frrrrrrench frrrrries.Me: Quiet, you. I'm trying to concentrate.Stomach: Well, feed me already. I think you're delusional from hunger.Me: What makes you say that?Stomach: Well, you're talking to your stomach.Me: ...Me: Ok, just let me finish grading these papers, and I'll see if I can find a little snack to tide us over. Something like a single-serving of applesauce. That's only one--Stomach: Don't say it!Me: Ok, I'll be quiet if you will. Deal?Stomach: Deal.(In other news, I'm currently buried under a stack of papers trying to ignore my stomach and finish grading!)